Public Speaking

 

     I can recall very well the feelings I had when my professor told me that my report on the consideration of what constitutes something being considered a “noise” that was irritating or a “noise” that was a wonderful sound to the listeners ears.  Stating such examples within the report of the sound made by the engine of a jet plane flying overhead!  To someone on the ground it might be irritating, but to the pilot within the plane that sound means his plane will continue to fly and not plummet to the ground.  That feeling was extremely exciting and yet momentary because within the next breath, he asked me to deliver the report as a talk to the department assembly the next day.  What could this man be thinking?  Speak in front of a couple hundred people?  I wasn’t sure how I was going to be able to do that!  I wanted to simply disappear and not have to show up for classes the next day.  But I managed to get myself pulled together and I got the butterflies in my stomach to all fly in the same direction at the same time.  I delivered the talk and after that I found that speaking in front of people wasn’t as bad as I had imagined it to be. 

     However, to many people, Public Speaking Fear can be paralyzing... You probably know the feeling. Perhaps you have worked for weeks, learned your materials, prepared the presentation. You try your best to ignore the anxiety. And then it's the moment... You go to the stand... Your throat is dry, you begin to stutter... Your brain feels empty.  What are you going to do?

     Public speaking anxiety is much more common than most people may think. You are not alone in worrying about speaking in public; many people experience "stage fright" when they have to give a speech, especially if it that first ONE. Consider this problem in greater detail: https://www.psycom.net/glossophobia-fear-of-public-speaking  Many of us take the fear of public speaking as being a weakness and will go to extraordinary lengths to avoid it. Obsessing about your performance as a public speaker haunts beginners and experienced speakers alike. Even the most skilled public speakers, admit they battle with their nerves before a big presentation. So remember, the question is not IF you will have that nervous feeling when about to present your speech, but HOW will you deal with the feelings so you can get the talk completed successfully.

      The sense of nervousness is caused by a sudden rush of the hormone adrenaline into the nervous system. This causes a "fight or flight" reaction. This reaction, stated very basically, is when we are confronted with a threatening situation, such as an automobile swerving in front of us. The adrenaline rush stimulates our physiological reactions.  This is a normal and expected reaction to your feelings.

     As speakers, we can use what nature has given us to our advantage. Nerves are good if we learn to control them. Adrenaline helps us perform better; it is our bodies own natural stimulant. Start by recognizing that the nervous tension we feel as we address a group is a form of positive energy. Being nervous is good, as it shows that you really care about getting your message across. You value your credibility and want to sound and look good to your audience. You might even find yourself seeking a career in public speaking in some form or another.  https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/finding-a-job/jobs-in-public-speaking 

Here are some things to Remember:

       Most people rank public speaking as their number one fear

·         People make a lot of excuses to avoid speaking in public

·         Speaking creates an adrenaline rush. You can harness this adrenaline, and make it work for you

·         It is not shameful to feel anxious about public speaking

 So, what can we do?

·         Relax and take deep breaths, slow down your breathing, get it rhythmical

·         Remember adrenaline is causing your physical effects

·         You are not nervous, you are excited—change your mind set

·         Identify and control your “comforter,” root your feet to stop movements. Pay attention not to fidget with your hair, ring, pockets, etc.

     The phobia of speaking in public is a very serious condition and can potentially take over the lives of people suffering from it. The good news is that this phobia can be reversed and that there are lots of help to overcome this problem.

     Keep telling yourself that YOU are in control.  The state of excitement that you find yourself will prove to be very beneficial to you in getting your message across to your audience.  The only obstacle to being successful that you will have to contend with is YOU!  This is because regardless of how we try to convince ourselves that we will be in control, we’re only human!

QUOTE TO CONSIDER

THOUGHTFUL GEM

"Public speaking, simply put,

can be talking to yourself on the street corner."

A Successful Mind-Set

 

     I can only imagine the thoughts that might go through your mind when you hear the phrase “positive thinking.”  Many people feel that whatever you are facing or dealing with is “all in your head!”  And to some degree they are probably correct.  There has been a lot of things written about positive or optimistic thinking.  You can read a few of the points at https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/positive-thinking-overview

     The same can be true about having thoughts concerning the idea of the correct mind-set!  You hear it all the time: "success is a state of mind."  There are people who would argue that success is a natural result of proper planning, preparation and focused action, and that viewpoint certainly holds a grain of truth - but there are also many exceptions to disprove that "rule."  Have you ever wondered how two people can attempt the same objective in the same way and only one of them succeeds?  Is it sheer luck?  Timing?  Tenacity?  More often than not, it's a person's mind-set that determines whether they fail or succeed.

     What is a mind-set, anyway?  Typically a mind-set refers to your predominant state of mind day-to-day.  It's what you think about, focus on, and expect from your daily experiences.  Think negatively, expect the worst, feel pessimistic about your options and that's exactly what you'll seem to draw into your life.  Likewise, think positively, expect the best and focus on a successful outcome and you get it, most of the time.  Just like the previous topic of positive thinking, the subject of mind-set has numerous amounts of available information for your consideration.  To review an example of one who believes that your mind-set determines success or failure, see https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-a-mindset-2795025  Now if you’re one who thinks that it doesn’t matter how you think on matters, you might like to consider https://au.reachout.com/articles/how-to-challenge-a-negative-mindset and challenge your negativity on the subject of mind-set!

     Really, when you think about the primary point of thinking positive, being positive and when thinking negatively, being negative, it makes sense, right?  But how exactly does this work?  Why is a successful, positive, mind-set so important?  There are three big reasons:

A successful mind-set boosts your confidence and self-belief.

     A lack of belief in yourself usually comes along with a sense of powerlessness and futility, which is the exact opposite of a successful mind-set.  Lack of confidence means you see no point in trying to be successful because it won't happen anyway.  Obviously, this type of mind-set is a recipe for failure in any endeavor.  Whatever your venture --- you’ve tried, and you failed!  You feel that should be the end of the process.  When you were growing up did you never hear: “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, again?”  There was a reason you were told this.  We can learn from our mistakes (at least we should learn)!  We can become better and more confident as we continue to move forward. 

     Having a truly successful mind-set, on the other hand, means you believe in yourself and your capabilities.  You believe you can succeed at nearly anything you try, and you're willing to give it your best shot.  Even better, the more you do try, the more confidence and self-belief you build - until you're virtually unstoppable!  You will actually learn from your failures and become better.  At times you may only need some inspirational support.  Consider these quotes: https://www.success.com/21-quotes-about-failing-fearlessly/

A successful mind-set strengthens your determination.

     Without a successful mind-set, one failure is enough to convince you that pursuing your goals is a waste of time.  Tenacity and determination don't exist in your world.  If you don't become a raging success the first time you try, you surmise that it simply wasn't meant to be.  Unfortunately, few things worth having are obtained so easily! Never forget: “It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog” that produces the tenacity to continue against all odds.

     A successful mind-set strengthens your awareness that a failure is not the end of the story - it's just one more way that didn't work out the way you planned.  In fact, a truly successful mind-set makes it obvious that the only true failure occurs when you stop trying.  Whatever the circumstances might be that you have to face, you have never lost until you quit!  You might want to consider 100 quotes about quitters! https://content.wisestep.com/quotes-quitting/  However, one of my personal favorites came from the movie Galaxy Quest in which Commander Jason Nesmith (character played by actor Tim Allen) says: “Never give-up, never surrender.”

A successful mind-set encourages fruitful actions.

     Have you ever found yourself wandering in circles because you didn't know the best way to approach a specific goal?  Perhaps you had an idea of the best course of action but you felt intimidated by some of the action steps required.  As a result, you may have kept sabotaging your efforts as you searched in vain for an easier or less frightening way to your goal.  Or at times you may (perhaps even subconsciously) have a fear of succeeding so you “shoot yourself in the foot” as the saying goes, so you’ll fail and then be able to declare to others that you tried but it just couldn’t be done!

     With a truly successful mind-set, you'll always know the most effective action steps that will lead directly to your goal.  As already discussed, you'll also have the inner confidence and determination to pursue them - which is a sure recipe for . . . you guessed it; success!

     If I had to sum up how to develop a successful mind-set into as few words as possible, I'd make a list like this: 

Go for your dreams.

Think positively.

Believe in yourself.

Believe you can do better.

Learn, grow and develop yourself.

Be willing to take chances.

Give it your all.

Expect the best in every situation.

Be willing to fail.

When you fall down, get back up and try again.

     Keep doing the things I have listed above and you can't help but become successful, from the inside out.  The only real enemy to your success that you will have a constant battle with is --- YOU!  That will always be your struggle because we’re only human!

QUOTE TO CONSIDER

THOUGHTFUL GEM

"If you know you can, you can!

If you know you can't, you can't!"

Balance Your Life

      Think of your everyday routine!  Do you have job responsibilities?  Do your have a family?  Do you have health issues?  What about financial obligations?  I think most of us would respond to one or more of these questions with YES!  Now consider this: It can be difficult enough to deal with any one of these situations, how do you respond when more than one, or ALL of them have to be dealt with at the same time?  This article is not going to deal with those of us who have to add to their dealings the problems of a mental disorder that has to be medically controlled.  If you fall into this circumstance you may want to consider https://www.nami.org/About-Mental-Illness/Mental-Health-Conditions/Anxiety-Disorders or you may be receiving help from your personal physician or other specialists.  I am going to consider merely the balancing act that we must carry on within a normal human daily routine.

     When your life seems out of control and you've got endless demands tugging at you from all directions, it's easy to feel overwhelmed, fatigued - and just plain stressed out!  It can seem like what you are having to deal with plaques you and only you!  No one else could possibly understand what you are going through and it would most likely be an impossibility to make the situation any better.  And getting your life back into balance is never going to happen without some type of major transformation!

     Believe it or not, balancing your life does not necessarily require massive changes.  You don't have to quit your job, abandon your family and escape to a remote retreat in order to feel peaceful and happy.  In fact, true balance is something that starts WITHIN YOU, first and foremost - no matter what else is happening in your outer life circumstances.  Below you'll find three simple ways to begin building a greater sense of inner peace and harmony: 

1.    Quiet time.

     One of the first things we tend to sacrifice when we're busy is our personal time.  Instead we devote all of our energy and attention to caring for others, multi-tasking, meeting responsibilities and "being productive."  Over time this depletes our energy and we begin to feel more and more burdened by our responsibilities.  Then others not only personally suffer, but our “tank” of energy is too depleted to help ourselves!

     To live a more balanced life, quiet time for yourself is CRUCIAL.  You may believe that you don't have any time available for yourself, but something amazing happens when you consistently MAKE time; you find yourself feeling happier and more energetic, your focus improves - and you will find you get more done that you thought possible!  Just a few minutes spent sitting quietly in reflection or reading a book can do wonders in transforming stress into peace and happiness.  An interesting article “5 Ways to Find Quiet in a Chaotic Day” may be interesting to you. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/imperfect-spirituality/201312/5-ways-find-quiet-in-chaotic-day

2.    Self-care.

     You may think it unnecessary, and perhaps even to some degree personal vanity, but beyond making time for things you enjoy, there are other ways to nurture and love yourself on a daily basis.  Getting a full 8 hours of sleep (or as much as you personally need) is a great start, as well as eating nutritious foods, exercising daily and speaking kindly to yourself can provide a wonderful uplift.  And you men, don’t think this point of self-care is only for the ladies.  You too should spend some time taking care of your personal needs.  Here are some suggestions https://www.byrdie.com/how-to-pamper-yourself-5112735

     Have you ever noticed that when you're really tired or stressed, even the smallest problem can seem like a nightmare?  On the other hand, when you're feeling well-rested and centered, you're much better able to handle upsets.  Caring for yourself is one sure way to consistently replenish your energy, inner peace and joy - which means you'll have the strength to handle whatever comes your way.

3.    Flexibility

     Did you know that one of the biggest causes of stress is rigid expectations?  We all do it from time to time; get a mental picture of how our lives "should be" or perhaps the way we think we want it to be - and get really annoyed when our outer circumstances don't cooperate!  One of the biggest gifts you can give yourself is a flexible state of mind.  In other words, learn how to detach from unrealistic expectations and go with the flow.  Nothing is probably going to happen the way you think it will.  And you will never have all the answers to the problems in life that you are going to face.

     However, when you have a flexible mind-set, you're able to deal with crises and problems much more easily because you're not working against a preconceived notion of how things "should be".  You're able to tap into your creative problem-solving skills and move through challenges without all the drama and frustration.  Be like the tree that bends with the breeze - and you're much less likely to break!  Developing this flexible mindset is a learned activity. Visit here for some suggestions: https://www.lifehack.org/498595/life-keeps-giving-you-lemons-probably-its-because-you-lack-this-mindset

     These inner changes can make a dramatic difference in your state of well-being, but you may also want to examine your outer life circumstances and see if there are other small changes you can make to help support your inner work. 

     For example, you might choose to let go of certain obligations that are no longer meaningful or enjoyable to you.  Just because you agreed to host weekly meetings for a support group three years ago doesn't mean you have to keep doing it forever - especially if it's become a drain on your time and energy!

     Be willing to let go of activities that no longer complement the lifestyle you desire, and you'll create a space for greater fulfillment, joy and peace.   This may take a serious debate with yourself, and it may require convincing yourself that you CAN let these activities go.  Remember it could be a real struggle because we’re only human!

QUOTE TO CONSIDER

THOUGHTFUL GEM

"Your body can successfully multi-task,

YOU can not!"

Organizing for Improvement

 

   Many people would probably not opening admit it, but no one really likes a procrastinator! There I said it!  When you are around or have to deal with someone who constantly puts things off it can become frustrating to say the least.  When it becomes a daily affair, it is almost “friendship breaking time.”  Why is it that some people cannot seem to get their lives organized so that they can actually get more things accomplished?

     They need to realize a startling truth:  There are many physical benefits to organization.  But did you know that organizing your space and your life can also have positive mental and for some people spiritual benefits?

     Purging your home and workplace of clutter and unnecessary items can symbolize a deeper process of cleansing and purification within your own mind.  As you toss old, useless clutter and better organize what’s left, you are in effect creating a sensation of lightness and freedom that can benefit you both mentally and spiritually.

      On an energetic level, the effects of cleaning and de-cluttering can be even more profound because the process clears stagnation and calls in a flow of fresh, invigorating energy (also called “chi,” “ki,” or “qi” – which means “universal life energy” by some people).  I personally don’t go for any of this mystical, meditational summing of some type of super power from within.  But I do feel that when your entire life is properly organized your mind can better deal with whatever may come your way.

     What does this mean for you and your space?  It can mean more peace, prosperity, harmony and success within your life!  Below you’ll find some general quick tips on how to organize for a more serene atmosphere:

1)          First and foremost, clearing away clutter is crucial.  Clutter drains your energy, scatters your focus and leaves you feeling overwhelmed and restricted.  Take as much time as necessary to remove items that are no longer needed and put away items to be kept.  However, don’t toss them carelessly into drawers and closets; be sure to organize and place them neatly where they belong.  Clutter is clutter, and you’ll experience the same negative effects even if it’s hidden away. I heard a simple process to do this concerning the clothes in your closet.  Place all the items on hangers in your closet BACKWARDS!  As you wear a piece of clothing return it to the closet with the hanger FORWARD!  After four to six months see how many items in your closet are still on BACKWARD hangers!  If you haven’t worn an item within this amount of time, do you really need to keep it?  Maybe it’s time to make a donation to Good Will! This process will also apply to preparing yourself for an uncluttered mind.

2)         Once your surroundings are ordered, it’s time to do a physical cleaning job.  Grab a vacuum cleaner, mops, buckets, dusting cloths, glass cleaner and any other supplies you’ll need, and clean like you’ve never cleaned before!  It’s important to do a thorough job because you are not just cleaning away visible dirt – you are also removing all the bad connotations that go along with someone seeing that your surroundings are shabby and unkept!  You want your living environment to reflect the fact that like all other things in your life, you have made a personal decision to have everything around you in an orderly fashion.

3)            Finally, take a breather and look at your surroundings.  Notice that they look better, but also notice the difference in the way the environment feels.  Does it feel lighter and calmer?  Most people can feel the difference right away.  Simply surrounding yourself with a more organized environment will help develop within you the desire and effort to keep things in this new and better arranged style.

    At this point you will want to organize your life activities into a workable format that you can continue to develop as you and your surroundings improve day-by-day.  Think of yourself as a work-in-progress as to becoming the well organized and functioning machine that you envision within your mind.

     Now you will not only enjoy the results of your efforts to leave procrastination behind, but all those around you will delight in the new, dependable, and motivated person you have become.

     It is going to take some work and effort, but you will find the results far outweigh how hard you have had to work in making the improvements to reach the point you are now at.  Continue to work on yourself and always realize that adjustments will continue to be necessary.  Also don’t forget that you will most always be the “road block” in your way because we’re only human!

QUOTE TO CONSIDER

THOUGHTFUL GEM

"How do you know what you have

and what you do not have

if you are not well organized?"

Motivation and Momentum

      There’s been times I have sat in the front porch swing and done an examination of the length of the grass in the yard.  I’ve thought to myself, “Self, it would be probably a good time to get the grass cut.”  Then I sat a little longer and realized I didn’t have the motivation to get that project started.  And we all know that if you never get a project started, you will never have it finished!    

     One of the most difficult parts of goal achievement, regardless of what the goal itself may be, is simply getting started.  It’s easy enough to dream and plan, but many people get stuck in this phase indefinitely and avoid taking action.  Planning and dreaming might make you feel like you’re doing something about your goals, but if you never actually take a step forward, you’ll never achieve them.  In order to see measurable progress, you have to step out of your comfort zones and take action.

     When you finally do gather your courage and begin moving forward, what usually happens?  You realize it’s WAY harder than you thought it would be, right?  It feels like you’re trying to run uphill, backwards!  You keep tripping over obstacles, facing setbacks and delays, dealing with fear and anxiety, and fighting a daily battle to stay motivated.  With most people, you finally reach a point where you throw up your hands, and decide, “What’s the use?” 

     It’s during this difficult phase that most people give up.  They decide that “it isn’t meant to be” at least not right now, so they set their dream aside and vow to try again later.  Or worse, they resign themselves to a mediocre life because they don’t believe they have what it takes to succeed.  They’ve “failed,” so they’re not going to try any more.  Remember those famous words of Master Yoda from Star Wars, “Do or do not.  There is no try.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQ4yd2W50No

     Have you done this?  Most people have!  However, this doesn’t have to be the end of your story.  You can pick up your dreams, dust them off, and put them back into operation.  But this time you should know about a little something called Momentum.

     You see, the difficult phase I just described is what happens at the beginning when you’re trying to gain momentum.  Most people quit during this phase because they think it’s ALWAYS going to be this hard.  What they don’t realize is that every effort they put toward the achievement of their goals will build on the previous efforts.  With every step forward the process gets easier and easier.  Finally, they’ve put so much energy and effort into the process that momentum begins to take over.  Suddenly they realize that they don’t have to push so hard to keep moving forward.  It becomes fun . . . even easy to achieve their goal.

     I’m sure the vast majority of you have done this when you were a child!  Remember when you first attempted to ride a bicycle?  Those first attempts were a bit wobbly!  You may have woven from side to side, perhaps even falling over.  But you kept making the attempts.  Soon you were able to control your balance.  The rides became longer and longer.  Before you knew it, you would just jump on the bike and take off!  There was no longer a limit to what you could accomplish with that bike.  You probably never gave a second thought any longer to riding a bike.  You had mastered your goal!

     This same experience can be yours with ANY goal!  All you have to do is keep moving forward.  Keep working toward your dreams and never quit.  Momentum WILL take over eventually!

     If you want to get momentum working even more quickly for you there are a few ways to do it, but they can be summed up in one sentence:

Be willing to work harder, faster and 

take bigger risks than you have in the past.

     The reason why momentum can be delayed sometimes is because many people take very tentative steps toward their goals.  They’re afraid to really give it their all, so they hold back much of the energy and power they could be devoting toward their goal.  Even if they’re not aware of it, they may feel more comfortable working at a slower pace, so they avoid taking big risks and instead take baby steps. Maybe all you need are some motivational quotes to help you realize what it means to keep moving forward with all your efforts.  Visit https://brightdrops.com/motivational-quotes-on-hard-work  

     Don’t misunderstand me here, there’s not a thing wrong with this approach of “slow and steady”, if it suits you!  However, if you want to make faster progress and build momentum quickly, think about taking bigger steps and giving your full energy and focus toward making it happen.  By doing so, you’ll push through the difficult beginning and find yourself coasting before you know it.

     The great snare that you will continually have to contend with is YOURSELF!  You’re going to be fighting to keep your motivation level high and pushing yourself through those initial periods until the momentum kicks in and drives you along.  YOU will be your own worst enemy as I continue to say, because we’re only human!

QUOTE TO CONSIDER

                                    THOUGHTFUL GEM

"If you condition yourself 

to think you can't do something ---

you can't!"

Love Yourself

  

    It has been firmly established that humans need love!  From the moment of our birth we are shown to thrive when love and attention are lavished upon us.  This love should be nurtured by all aspects of our lives so that we become satisfied and fulfilled in our adult lives.  https://pairedlife.com/love/Why-Humans-Need-Love

     However, one of the most difficult things to do is learning to love yourself.  Loving yourself can be very difficult when you have limiting and derogatory messages playing like a broken record repeating itself in your subconscious mind.  Most of these messages are recorded during your childhood, but their effects can be far reaching into your adult life!  Did you know that you’re still being influenced by the things your parents and others said to you decades ago?

     When someone told you that you were no good, you believed them.  When someone told you that you’d never amount to anything, you believed them.  When someone told you that you were stupid or had learning disabilities or that you were weird, you believed them.  And you still believe them to this day – even if you’re not consciously aware of these underlying beliefs and even though you have perhaps proven them wrong by the achievements of your adult life.

     Is it possible to overcome old messages and replace them with new, empowering messages?  Is it possible, so to speak, to write-over the old damaging record from your past with new and motivating positive messages in the present?  Yes!  Here are three good ways for you to get started:

1)         Romance yourself.  What could this possible mean? Think about the last love affair you had.  At the beginning you and your partner probably devoted a lot of time, attention and affection to each other, right?  You felt passionate and swept away by the beauty of your partner and he/she probably felt the same about you.  One of the best ways to learn to love yourself is to enter into a similar process – with yourself!  Treat yourself like royalty!  Do things that make you feel happy.  Hug yourself.  Sweet-talk yourself.  Buy yourself nice things.  Spend quality time with yourself simply because you deserve it.  However, keep these affections in balance and don’t become overly infatuated with yourself literally and become a completely obnoxious person!  Be comfortable with who you are --- right now!  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufNOWvcfrE4

2)         Explore your existing beliefs.  You may suspect you have old, limiting messages rattling around in your head but you may still be unsure about what they are exactly.  In order to discover the beliefs that are holding you back, you may need to go on an expedition.  Begin exploring your existing beliefs by writing in a journal.  Give yourself prompts or questions like these:  “My earliest memory of feeling stupid was . . .”  “My mother always made me feel . . .”  “My father always treated me like . . .” and so on.  The idea is to think back to an earlier time in your life and see if you can discover when and where your limiting beliefs got started.  Then, challenge those beliefs.  Are they still true?  Were they ever true?  Decide what you WANT to be true, and begin to replace the old belief by focusing more on your new and improved beliefs.  Transform yourself into the person YOU want to become and not the realization of those false ideas from the past!  Be honest with your evaluation even if the truth hurts a little.  Don’t fear what you may learn about yourself but use this information to become a better person. https://themomtrotter.com/how-to-understand-your-inner-self-and-get-empowered/

3)         Emphasize your good qualities!  When you have low self-esteem, you tend to keep focusing on the things that are “wrong with you,” and dismissing the things that you have going for you.  Start to turn this around by praising and encouraging yourself in your self-talk.  When you accomplish something, congratulate yourself!  Say things like, “Wow, I’m really proud of myself for doing that.  It wasn’t easy, but I pushed through the rough spots and gave it my best shot.”  You can also make a point of simply giving yourself positive self-talk daily.  Recite affirmations like these:  “I am a valuable person.  I have a lot to offer the world.  I’m talented and successful.”  The more you do it, the more you’ll come to believe it!  You must convince yourself that NO ONE is a complete failure!  When asked why he had failed so many times in producing his electric light bulb, Thomas Edison said: “I haven’t failed – I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”  You may need some help in finding the right words to describe your “best side.”  See if you can find what you need here https://zety.com/blog/words-to-describe-yourself

     The above will help you get a start on improving your ability to look at yourself and see the wonderful person you truly are, or the person you can become with a bit of adjustment.  Just continue to remember that your greatest hurdle will be in overcoming yourself!  You will be your own worst enemy – because we’re only human!

QUOTE TO CONSIDER

THOUGHTFUL GEM

"If you can't love yourself,

you will never love others."

Make Wise Decisions

      We all have to do it every day!  Sometimes it only involves very minor or small things and other times it may involve something extremely large or even catastrophic!  Whatever the case maybe it has to be done and at times it has to be done immediately!  What am I talking about?  Making decisions.

     Have you ever felt nervous about making a decision that could affect the rest of your life?  Sometimes even seemingly minor decisions can send you into a fit of anxiety when you begin thinking of all the things that could go wrong.

     It's fairly common for people to vacillate back and forth between several choices, whether they are related to career, money, business, opportunities, school, or even relationships.  How do you know which choice is the best one for you in any given situation?  Sometimes the best choice is obvious, but other times they all seem to hold a glimmer of possibility - and the threat of regret.  Any one of them could be the pinnacle of success or the agony of going down in defeat and perhaps looking foolish to those around you!

     The good news is that making wise decisions is a matter of weighing the potential pros and cons of every available outcome.  This may not always be easy.  You may not be able to actually think of all the future possibilities.  You probably don’t have the powers of Doctor Strange. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGKPfZTXHsc )  However,  below you'll find a simple 3-step process to help you make wise decisions no matter what part of your life they may affect.

1)  What Do You Stand to Gain?

     When you've got more than one option to choose from, a great first question to ask yourself is, "What do I stand to gain from choosing this option?"  If the rewards are big, you might be willing to withstand a bit of risk in order to benefit from the opportunity.  Conversely, if the payoff would be small, you might not feel so confident about taking a chance right now.  Defining your personal level of acceptable risk is an entirely separate topic for discussion.  You must decide what you are willing to accept and be able to go to bed at night and rest comfortably.  No one else can make that decision for you!

2)  What Do You Stand to Lose?

      The next question to ask yourself is, "What do I stand to lose if this option doesn't work out?"  No one likes to think of the negatives in a potential opportunity, but you could save yourself a lot of heartache with a bit of foresight!  If your losses could be huge with a particular option, you might decide to hold off for a while to see if the odds improve over time.  This continues the discussion as mentioned above.  You must decide what you are able to live with and what your acceptable losses may be within each specific option that you are considering.

3)  What's the Worst Thing that Could Happen?

     Finally, take it one step further and ask, "What is the worst thing that could happen if I choose this option, and would I be willing to accept those consequences?"  It may seem like a very pessimistic question, but it's extremely effective at clarifying the situation!  If you couldn't handle the consequences of making such a choice, then you know immediately that it's not the right choice for you at this time.  If, on the other hand, the consequences wouldn’t be so bad, you know it’s a viable option for you. You can see how these three questions really enter-twine with each other making you consider what you will accept as the ultimate outcome from the choices you might make.  This somewhat puts you in the situation that faced Neo in the Matrix: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zE7PKRjrid4

      What do you do if all of your options hold the same potential rewards and consequences?  Go with your gut!  Take a few minutes to think carefully about each possibility, and then choose the one you feel strongest about.  Just keep in mind that there are choice decisions that may or may not be right or wrong within themselves.  However, it may not be the decision you want to make at that particular time.  Perhaps later your decision may resurface and you will face reconsidering the decision you had previously considered.  Perhaps the opportunity will never present itself again!

     When it comes right down to it, there are no guarantees in decision-making.  You simply weigh the pros and cons, listen to your intuition, and do the best you can.  In the end, there really isn’t any such thing as a "bad" decision, because you do (or should) learn something from each one you make.  You may enjoy the information at https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/learn-from-mistakes.htm in preparing you to gain from every mistake you make.  If you keep that objective in mind you should grow more confident with each choice you make, which will help you make even better decisions in the future.  However, never forget that we do have a great disadvantage to being able to learn from our mistakes and that is the fact that we’re only human!

QUOTE TO CONSIDER

THOUGHTFUL GEM

"You must decide to act.

You must decide not to act.

In either case, you must decide!"

Expect the Best!

      “Nothing good ever happens to me!”  “Why am I always having these bad things happen?”  “Will I EVER be rid of all my problems?”  Have you ever heard people make these or similar comments?  Perhaps you have made them yourself!

     It reminds me of a story I once heard about a man who decided he was going to learn to parachute from a plane to help him in his fear of facing negative decisions within his life.  His problem was that in ALL situations he only considered the negative point of view.

     The story went something like this: After receiving his ground instructions the man was flown in the aircraft to his jump altitude.  There he received his final instructions prior to his departure from the plane.

     His instructor said: “After you jump, count to three and pull the rip cord.  In the unlikely event that the chute doesn’t open, pull the cord to your emergency chute.  The school truck will be on the ground to return you to our facility.”

     After taking one last deep breathe for moral support, the man jumped from the plane.  As he fell toward the ground, he counted to three, pulled his rip cord, and --- nothing happened!  He then grabbed the cord to his emergency chute and yanked on it --- nothing happened!

     As he continued to fall, he looked toward the ground, and said:  “That school truck is probably not there waiting for me either!”

     What a case of negative thinking!  However, do you ever find yourself getting stuck in negative thought patterns and expecting the worst possible outcome in every situation?  It’s a common mind-set that proves difficult to change when you finally decide you’ve had enough.  Unfortunately, negative thoughts tend to breed and multiply on their own – even when you’re not consciously trying to think negatively.

     The good news is that turning a negative outlook into a positive one just takes a bit of patience and persistence until the positive thoughts begin to take over.  Below you’ll find three simple steps to begin forming positive expectations on a daily basis:

1)         Develop self-awareness to recognize negative expectations.  One problem with negative thoughts is that they often form below your conscious level of awareness, and you get so used to them being in your head that you hardly notice them anymore.  To turn the tide of negativity, you’ll have to develop a stronger level of self-awareness.  One good way to start is by performing self-checks several times a day.  Pay attention first to how you feel.  If you’re feeling positive and productive, most likely you’ve been thinking positive thoughts.

     However, if you notice that you’re feeling irritable, pessimistic or stressed, you’re probably focusing more on negative thoughts.  When that happens:

2)         Challenge and change the negative thoughts.  Believe it or not, it’s fairly easy to challenge and change negative thoughts with a little willpower and concentration.  For example, if you find yourself feeling doubtful about your ability to finish your work on time, you might engage in a bit of self-talk like this:  “Okay, so I’m feeling a bit worried right now, but really everything is okay.  I’m strong, I’m smart and I’m capable of finishing my work on time.  I’ll do my best and everything will work out fine.”  Even though nothing has changed in your outer circumstances, this type of self-talk can get you thinking and feeling more positive.

3)         At the same time, while you’re changing negative thoughts to positive, work daily on developing a general positive expectation habit.  Each day when you wake up, affirm confidently, “Today is going to be a great day!  Everything will go my way and I’ll enjoy plenty of lucrative opportunities and fun!”

     When you encounter obstacles or problems, see them as opportunities to learn, grow and strengthen yourself.  Perception is 99% of the game!  If you simply work on shifting the way you look at the experiences of your life, you can easily conquer your negative thought habits.

     The more you focus on changing your perspective to emphasize the positive, you’ll empower yourself to create better circumstances in your life.  Before you know it, you’ll be enjoying better and more frequent opportunities and attracting other likeminded, successful people to connect with.  

     Just keep in mind that while doing this life adjustment, you will face your greatest challenges from within!  YOU will be, as always, your own worst enemy because we’re only human!

QUOTE TO CONSIDER

THOUGHTFUL GEM

"Never think you can't

if you haven't tried!"