The reasons for conflicts (or
difficulties) in relationships are as varied as there are the number of people
that are in the specific relationship arrange you might be discussing. In personal relationships where there are
only two people to consider problems can develop very easily by hurt feelings
or misunderstood intentions. Basically
the same is true if you are considering a family relationship or a relationship
at work. The problem becomes escalated
because the more people you have involved in the specific relationship circle,
the more complicated matters can become and the easier it is for the
relationship to become strained or even broken!
Is there anything that can be done in
these situations that will help the matter?
Let’s consider a few possibilities.
1. Start by listening.
The failure to listen can be one of, if
not the most important, reasons for strife and contentions to develop within a
relationship. However, don’t just listen
to the spoken words, but listen to the feelings behind them. It’s the emotions that drive the conversation
after all! By listening attentively, interjecting
meaningful pausing to ask questions, seek clarity, and to reiterate what you
think the other person is saying, you tell the other person that what they have
to say matters to you. But more
importantly, you’re letting them know that they’re being heard and you truly want to understand their feelings on the
subject being discussed.
2. Look for the resolution over being right. Giving up the notion that you have to ‘win’ is where you start seeing the solutions. Conflict is not a competition. It is merely a difference of opinions and no ONE opinion may be the only solution to a given problem. Let others in the relationship know that you are not trying to prove yourself right and them wrong, but you are wanting everyone to reach a peaceable, workable, and equitable solution that all can live with.
3. Stay in the moment.
Instead of focusing on what happened
that brought you into this conflict, pay attention to what’s going on right
now. Now
isn’t the time for blame. Rather now is the time to look for solutions. THIS conflict IS NOT the time
to vent about ALL the difficulties you may have had in the
past. This is merely another opportunity
to work together on a solution that will benefit everyone involved. This is the time you should be concentrating on
reaching an equitable solution to THIS problem and then move on in
agreement.
4. Decide what’s important right now.
That
is called ‘picking your battles’ and is important in determining whether a thing is worth fighting over. Ask yourself
if this is just an issue over a minor annoyance that will be easily forgotten,
or if you have something deeper going on that maybe needs to be addressed. However, even if the “thing” seems very
trivial, but really disturbs you, express yourself calmly and explain your feelings
about the matter. It might be only one
of those “squeezing the toothpaste tube from the middle” kind of situations and
can be resolved easily. It may be a
matter that needs more thought and should be discussed at a more convenient
time instead of at that precise moment.
5. Know how and when to disengage.
That
means being able to do what it takes to walk away. It might be forgiveness is in order. It might be that you’re just going to need to
agree to disagree. Worst case scenario? It might be time just to let the matter go entirely. Whatever the case, there’s nothing to be
gained by staying in the conflict. So,
after some serious thought and consideration, the solution to the problem might
turn out to be a dissolution of the relationship. You may need to know when to gracefully and
tactfully exit the situation, doing so with respect and humility.
Resolving conflicts isn’t a hard skill to
learn, but it can be difficult at times. By following these tips, you will discover how
better to deal with conflict in every kind of relationship – whether business
or personal. So take heart – a
misunderstanding doesn’t have to mean the end of the world. Instead look at your
conflict as a step toward better understanding that will, in turn, lead to
better relationships in the long run.
Just remember that there is never going to
be a “perfect” solution to all your problems and you’re not going to get along
with everyone you meeting. The simple truth
is that we’re only human!
QUOTE TO CONSIDER
"Our greatest conflicts
come from within."
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