Our minds are marvelous creations.
We are able to “search” within them and recall events from the
past. We can remember locations, people,
smells, and sounds that have affected our lives from many years ago!
It is something truly amazing to be able to relax on our front porch or
in our lawn swing and let our minds journey back to the “yesteryears” of our
youth. Can you recall some of the things
you used to do with your neighborhood friends that would keep you engaged for
hours in make-believe fantasy? Perhaps
you have some of your childhood friends who have remained very close to you
over the years. How enjoyable to sit
around together and reminisce about those antics from so long ago!
There are probably times that when you recount these things together you
learn that your friends remember the events a bit differently from the way you
recall them. Our minds tend to want us
to remember only the “good” parts of our life experiences so that we are exempt from any activities
that might have caused us pain, fear, or some other form of displeasure. We want to relive the exciting events of our
past and not be tormented by any tragic circumstances that we might have
experienced.
There are, however, times when it seems that our minds want us to
justify ourselves over some past events, perhaps wanting to punish us in some way
because of how we dealt with an event, or perhaps because we didn’t deal with
the event the way our mind feels we should have. Now we are plagued by reliving these events
in our minds and being condemned because of them. Or perhaps the events were so traumatic to us
that our minds cannot let us “move on” as it were with the present events of
our life.
Are there some efforts we can take to remove these memories from our minds
so that we are no longer having to deal with them over and over? According to goodtherapy.org there is! In their article at https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/four-steps-to-erasing-trauma-of-painful-memories-061214
they list four steps that you can take in erasing the memories of such
traumatic events.
1. Have a positive experience.
Step 1 activates a positive mental state, and steps 2, 3,
and 4 install it in your brain. In step 1 we notice a positive experience
that’s already present in the foreground or background of your awareness. In
the example I offered at the beginning, I tuned into an experience where I felt
safe and supported, and brought to mind experiences of safety and security.
2.
Enrich it.
Too often we spend minutes, and sometimes hours and days,
ruminating over a negative experience, but we gloss over the positive. Here we
take time to deepen the positive experience. I would open myself to the
feelings of support I have in my life. I would picture my wife and friends
and the many supports I have, filling my inner conscious with at least 10 to 20
seconds of positive memory.
3.
Absorb it.
Here we imagine ourselves drinking in the experience. I
imagine all my cells being infused with the experience. I feel it sinking into
me and becoming part of my brain and all the parts of my being.
4.
Link positive and negative material.
Hanson (Rick Hanson, neuropsychologist in his book "Hardwiring
Happiness: The new Brain Science of Contentment, Calm, and Confidence") https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/unlocking-negativity-bias-interview-with-rick-hanson/
describes this as an optional step. We don’t want to become overwhelmed by the
negative, but to hold the negative in consciousness while it is infused with
the positive. Hanson uses the image of a garden. We imagine the beauty of
beautiful flowers we are planting. We become aware of the weeds and gently pull
them out so there’s room for growth. He concludes by saying, “Whenever you
want, let go of all negative material and rest only in the positive. Then, to
continue uprooting the negative material, a few times over the next hour be
aware of only neutral or positive things that may have been associated with the
negative.
My feelings
have no scientific source of affirmation, but I think the entirety of the
situation with our minds guilting us, causing us moments of agonizing pain and
sorrow, can be summed up in my usual way: We’re Only Human!
QUOTE TO CONSIDER
THOUGHTFUL GEM
"When you can't relive the happiness of the past,
you are tormented by reliving the trauma it brought."
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