Did you know that you, like most people,
talk to yourself all day long? No, not
the mental chatter about activities and chores that you need to remember
throughout the day. That’s a form of
self-talk too, but I’m referring more to the things you say to yourself on a
regular basis; and more importantly, the tone in which you say them.
When you make a mistake, do you berate
yourself angrily? Do you put yourself
down or call yourself derogatory names?
When you have a hard time making positive changes in your life, do you
bemoan what a “worthless” person you are and conclude that you’ll never do
anything right? Most people do these
things and never really realize that they are doing them.
Negative self-talk can be
incredibly damaging to your self-esteem, especially if it’s a big part of your
daily life. When you keep saying things
like that to yourself, eventually you begin to believe them!
Most often these messages begin as
statements uttered by the adults in your life when you were a child. They may have said something negative about
you when your actions displeased them, or perhaps they had a habit of saying
unkind things even when you didn’t deserve it.
Most parents don’t realize that if you continue to repeat such derogatory
statements to your children, they will probably live down to your
expectations of never amounting to anything!
As painful as these experiences can be, it is even worse when you pick
up where they left off and keep repeating the same negative messages to
yourself over and over!
The good news is that you can change your
self-talk any time you want. You just
have to know how to become aware of the tone of your messages and consciously
replace them with more encouraging ones.
Try these simple steps for starters:
1) Develop awareness of your
self-talk. It may take practice,
but if you keep “listening” in to your inner voice, you’ll begin to notice when
you talk negatively to yourself. You
will become more aware of not only WHAT you are saying to
yourself, but also HOW it is being said.
2) Challenge the negative messages. When you notice yourself saying something negative such as, “You’re such a screw-up, you can’t do anything right” – stop yourself and challenge that belief. Is that really true? Maybe you mess up sometimes, but do you ALWAYS mess up? Probably not.
3) Replace the negative messages with
positive messages. When you
realize you’re saying unkind and untrue things to yourself, simply turn it
around in your mind. Using the above
example, you might say, “Wow, that’s not true at all! I do plenty of things right. It’s true I make mistakes, but so does
everyone. I’m a good person and I try my
best. That’s good enough for me.” “Positive
self-talk is an inner monologue that makes you feel good about yourself and
everything going on in your life. It’s an optimistic voice in your head that
encourages you to look at the bright side, pick yourself up when you fall and
recognize when you fail.” Read
more to help yourself in this area at https://7summitpathways.com/blog/what-is-positive-self-talk/#:~:text=Positive%20self%2Dtalk%20is%20an,and%20recognize%20when%20you%20fail.
Over
time, your efforts will pay off in the form of stronger self-esteem and respect
for yourself and your capabilities. It
probably won’t happen overnight, but the more you work at turning your
self-talk in a more positive direction, the better you’ll feel about yourself. However, exercise patience with yourself
because you are going to be your own worst enemy. This is due to the fact that we’re only
human!
QUOTE TO CONSIDER
"Always speak truth to yourself,
then make sure you listen."
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